OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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