i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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