Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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