I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
