He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
