Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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