If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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