my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
