To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
