I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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