You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
