the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
