I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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