I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
