I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
