I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
