Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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