Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
