My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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