Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
