Three words: puerto rican gang bang
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Randomize
