the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
