I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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