Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
