listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
