That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you traded sex for a burrito?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
