What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
