So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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