I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
