His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
