I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
