38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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