your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
