id be glad to
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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