i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
