I want to have your abortion
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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