Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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