shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
