I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
