dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
