I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
