Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
