margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
