I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
