oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
