Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
