it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
