I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
