After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
