she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
He has the fingertips of a God
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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