Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He felt like a one man threesome
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
