He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
